I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.