I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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