you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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