VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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