Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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