i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
