I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
