Well douche your snatch and let's go!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
