I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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