What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
