my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
