The maid of honor just puked.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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