38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
