Someone shit on the floor
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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