There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
