im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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