You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
