I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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