MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize