I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
