How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
