Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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