Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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