He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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