the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
