Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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