Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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