1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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