An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
