There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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