Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
