This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
