Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
