Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
