very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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