i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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