eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
