Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
