she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
