I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
