He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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