Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
