Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
