Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
