My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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