I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
