if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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