I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
