I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
