Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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