Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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