i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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