dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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