So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
