i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
