ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
