I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
