Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
