Non-Jews are for practice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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