You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
