"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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