I look better un-naked...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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