The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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