You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize