Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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