you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
