I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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