You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
