shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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