I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize